Light On The Lectern Dilemma

A theory is floating around out there about the real reason why the Kerry campaign is so concerned, and some might say panicked, about blinking timer lights being located on each candidate's lectern during tonight's debate.

John Kerry really is The Frenchurian Candidate.

We all think we know that Sen. Kerry is a multifaceted, nuanced, and complex individual. But the real truth is that he is a multipersonality "bot" who is controlled by a nefarious group of handlers who use small blinking lights within close proximity to switch him from one persona to another depending on the situation. You've seen many of these different personas and not realized it.

A short list of Kerrybots:

Sportybot - Good for photo-ops, likes to windsurf and
snowboard and shoot guns...

Anti-warbot - you know, "...wrong war, wrong place, wrong
time" blah blah blah..., Voting against
funding for the troops. Winter Soldier,
throwing medals(woops, ribbons) over
White House fence...

Pro-warbot - Voting for authorization for war with Iraq...

Soldierbot - "John Kerry; Reporting for duty!" Band of
brothers. Douglas Brinkley...

Psychicbot - "We should not have gone to war knowing the
information we know today."...

Metrosexualbot - spray tans, botox, Christophe haircuts...

Lexicographerbot - "I call them misleadisments."...


Now it is easy to understand why Sen. Kerry has obtained the reputation for being a flip flopper. His handlers have failed to keep him clear of small blinking lights.